By: Adam
As the title suggests, this post isn’t about one topic or one thing. Or it could be, I don’t really know or care enough. I just had some thoughts and I wanted to write my heart out in this post. Which is what this website is for. And to address the elephant in the room, I initially wanted to start the next post (which is this one) by saying “oh hurr durr sorry imaginary users i said i would put out more posts but i didn’t!!!!”
To which I said to myself “…who am I kidding?” I mean, come on. I cannot realistically imagine there are actual users reading this. And if there are, I don’t think they care that much that I should apologize. The only thing about it that I could apologize for was that I procrastinated in regards to working on the website and making more posts. That I could apologize for, but the apology would be to myself. I would feel sorry towards myself that I procrastinated and put off working on this website for this long.
And that’s what I wanted to talk about, procrastination. I have a problem with it. A pretty severe problem I’d say. I procrastinate a lot. I cannot stick to a routine or a habit or something and keep on doing it without failing to continue doing it after like maybe a week or two of doing that thing constantly simply because one day I would procrastinate and put off doing that thing because I “don’t feel like it” and then one day becomes two, two becomes four and so on. It’s terrible honestly. And it’s even more terrible once you look at yourself before when you used to do said thing (whatever that thing is) every single day, and you think to yourself “…gosh I used to do that ever day?” And then it would be the biggest gut punch ever because now you know that something that you used to do every single day and something that used to be nothing for you…is now something that you cannot imagine doing every day.
It’s a harsh, blaring alarm that screams “Hey buddy, you’re going the wrong way!” or “You were better before, now you’re worse!” And it really sucks to hear that alarm. It’s unpleasent at the very least. And don’t get me wrong I’m not saying and/or expecting life to not be harsh and to not be unpleasent. It’s just terrible to hear that alarm specifically for two reasons:
To see that you as a person have gotten worse or picked up a worse habit (in this case, procrastination) relative to an earlier point in your life is…to put it bluntly, hurts a lot.
No matter how much I try, or what I try, nothing can stop me from procrastinating and putting off something that I’m supposed to be doing or want to be doing or should be doing at that point in time. In fact, as far as trying different things to stop me from procrastinating goes, whenever I feel like I “don’t want to” do something or “don’t feel like” doing something, I SPECIFICALLY tell myself (or more or less instruct myself really) to do EXACTLY what I just acknowledged I “don’t feel like” doing. To challenge myself in that way, I like it. It helps me to try and do things and be in conditions that I don’t want to be in. And it prepares me for any challenging circumstances. (albeit not very challenging circumstances. I’m not going to go climbing mount everest because I got off the couch when I didn’t want to) But despite all of that, I still procrastinate. And I still, cannot stick to routines or habits.
In the end, realizing all of this and looking at it from a wider point of view like this is kind of comforting. It’s just another harsh slap from life, I can and will deal with it. Somehow. And I don’t want this to be a negative blob of text that you wasted precious time reading. As long as I’m breathing, I’ll strive to be a better person. And hey, it’s Ramadan! Ramadan mubarak if you celebrate it. Enjoy the fasting, the prayer, the kunafa, the qatayef and the hibiscus tea. I certainly will. And this time around…I actually liked writing this. Not like the other pretentious, incoherent blobs of text that I wrote on here. I’m not saying that I’ll put out more posts, because we always know how that turns out when I make that promise. But I will certainly try to write my heart out again once I feel like doing so after having some inner thoughts that I’d like to write about.
Thanks if you’ve read this far.